The Silent Warrior

Day and Night.

These are the magic words that represent her never ending cycle of emotional turbulence that is consuming her mind and gnawing at it greedily. Bit by bit.

With the rise of the ever shinning sun, she stands tall and proud, she faces the oncoming day with a smile on her face, daring the waves of life to give there hardest of hits, foolishly believing that she will conquer the world and stand on the highest point on earth, not even the sky would dare limit her ambitions. Her dreams are sharper than a spear, piercing through the doubters and pessimists like an accomplished warrior. She wears confidence and bravery proudly as she wears her smile on her face, like a badge of honor. Spreading her smiles to the masses like there is no tomorrow. Full of love and laughter.

Unknowing of the shadows that await her by the end of the day.

As the shimmering sun waves her hands, promising to visit tomorrow for another day of joy and merriment. The darkness starts creeping in, taking over her mind and soul, ridding her of her beautiful easy smile to be replaced with a frown of fear, she sees her happiness and stability vanishing between her hands into thin ear, consumed by the unknown, erasing any evidence of its existence.

She had never felt more alone.

The world looks like a merciless concrete jungle that spares the life of no one, her fears and doubts cackle and laugh at her misery, at her weak attempts of seeking help, they live of off her confusion, would kill to see her tears falling down her face, nothing is more enjoyable than witnessing the complete breakdown of a lost soul that once dared to strive for happiness. Her doubts and What If's dance in front of her eyes, humiliating her and scrutinizing her to no end.

When the moon illuminates the sky, it smiles sadly down at her, standing helplessly with no means of assistances, the stars are her only witnesses of her silent agony. What hurts her more than anything is plastering a smile on her face with complete emptiness of her heart, having to get used painting a smile on her face that kills her soul painfully and slowly each and everyday.

As she closes her eyes, she is left with nothing, her prayers are her only way of salvation, having nothing to lose but to offer what is left of her battered spirit to the power above, knowing that it can't get worst than this.

As she opens her eyes, she mentally cheers to herself for making it through the ruthless night, the gates of the known, where she is on a constant threat of falling into the abyss. she sees the lightning of the welcomed sun shinning through her blinds, she feels her spirit cheer up and stand on its feet, carrying its scars on its sleeve, the unwavering evidence of the fierce battle ,giving it another shot of redemption. Thanking her friend for fulfilling her promise.


And with that, she puts it upon herself to take matters into her hands and leave her own foot trails of happiness that will guide her home and diminish the darkness for good.


Or so she thought.


Copyright © 2017 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.

Intervention at it's vaguest.

It was raining heavily in the middle of October when a lone car was passing the empty highway. The driver of the car kept looking at his sister from the corners of his eyes, thinking that she was not paying attention as she gazed outside the window. They had no idea how to explain this to their parents, the fight just broke out, and he was the one who was supposed to look over his sister while both of them studied in the same university. Getting into university was a dream come true for their parents, with jobs having average jobs with average income, they have worked day and night to come up with a sum of money that would allow them to get in. He tries his best to check on her as much as he can but had his own life to attend to as well. He knew she was being picked on, even though this is university and they have to be all grown up, however, the impact of words is destructive and will leave scars that will never disappear. It was like high school all over again, different environment, different people but the same harsh words are used. And now with both of them suspended until the university investigates the situation and comes out with a verdict about who is the offender and who is the victim, they will have to go back home to face their parents’ disappointment and sorrow at their “rash” actions.

She could not control herself. She is known to have a bad temper and her friends and family got used to her hot temper and explosiveness but when that wench starting being racist and starting calling her out, that was it. She wasn’t going to stand down and let this go, she was tired of words lashing at her from corner she walked to, she was tired of being quite about it and having to “let it slide” in each and every situation it happened, so done with the people’s ignorance that had been suffocating her and wanted to fight back. With her fist, it felt really good. For about 20 seconds. Then she remembered where she was living and the sever consequences of what she had done, she could not remember who started first, hair being pulled and veils being ripped. Good thing someone broke them up before it took a horribly ugly turn. Next thing she remembered is being sat at the dean’s office and being told that both of them were suspended until further notice. Her parents were not surprised anymore and tried their best to control her temper but with no avail, however, it was a shock to them when they knew that her brother, the two goody shoes got suspended as well for throwing at the dean several colorful words for his decision.

Usually, her parents would give her a speech about how she is supposed to be the better person and step down because she was better than this, but this time, they simply told them to come home. She normally would not feel guilty, but the lack of the angry and accusatory tone in their voices filled her with horrendous sense of shame for letting her parents down. Their dream was for them to be accepted to university because their income just was not enough to let both of them in. In addition, their parents being immigrants, they tried their best to show that they do not fall into the stereotype that is being imprinted on everyone’s minds by the media.

She wanted to fall asleep. She wanted to forget about this for the time being, the only thing was on her mind now was the image of her parent’s tired and stressed faces full of grief and agony for this news. The time they had spent on double shifts and extra work to gather the money they need for their tuition is gone down the drain. As she leaned her head on the window watching countless droplets of rain slide down her window, wishing they would wash her remorse away, she closed her eyes, falling into fitful sleep.

“You know we are screwed right?” he said, couldn’t bare the tense atmosphere.

“Look at you. The goody-two shoes is in trouble, you don’t see that happening every day.” She replied, as she gazed out the window.

“I’m serious, I don’t know how are we going to deal with this, we basically just crushed our parents’ dreams. I…I can’t bare looking at their faces. I just can’t.” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“What other option did we have huh? Let them ridicule us like every single time we let it slide, humiliate us in front of everyone? Would that have been better?” she spat, anger filling her again as she let her gaze from the window to her brother.

“

We could have done anything that wouldn’t have gotten us suspended maybe?!”

“WHAT WOULD YOU PROPOSE? A PEACE SUMMIT?? YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE! NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TALK TO THEM NOTHING WILL CHANGE!” her well-known temper making an appearance.

“PUNCHING THEM IN THE FACE ISN'T EXACTLY THE BEST OPTION EITHER!” he took his eyes off the road for a moment to meet his sister’s furious glare.

A moment.

That is all what it took.

A very loud horn honked at them and light emerged from behind her side of the car before the realized what was happening and sudden darkness toke them in and the sounds of screeching tires and metals crushing was the last thing they registered.

What a silly dream she thought, she tried to open her eyes but every single part of her body was screaming with pain. Her sight was blurry and she can hear police sirens from far away. What was happening? She blinked a couple of times to realize that she was hanging upside down, still in her seat and blood was dripping off of her veil, she tried to look around but her neck wasn’t having it. She looked outside her broken window to see a form that was hideously tossed on the ground, coated with blood. An enormous truck resting on the side of the road with a limp figure on the driver’s seat. She screamed for her brother but her voice came out raspy and barely there. She started to panic and tried to wiggle but with no use, she starting screaming as loud as she can possibly get in her current state. Her headache started to grow immensely around her head and her eyes started to droop gradually until they darkness swallowed her whole.


Copyright © 2016 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.

A Reluctant Adventure.

Patterns of red, blue and green were my main focus as I was walking through the halls of a grand five star hotel that was known for it's unorthodox features such as paintings of dead animals decorated the halls and every room had a toilet paper on its door handles, it was safe to say that the hotel was able to surprise everyone which is why it was one of the most booked hotel in the world. The tips of my worn out converse would welcome my vision every once in while seeing that I was trying to avoid any eye contact by the ones who would pass by ,since half of the ones who already passed me were either drunk or were giving me the evil eye for the way I'm dressing, probably already coming up with some spiteful words to throw at me.

As I was walking down the hall to the elevator, participants of the conference I am attending would pass by me, chatting happily about the places they are about to visit in this foreign country, yet I wasn't really feeling the spirit of exploration or had the energy for it as a matter of a fact. These past few days have taken a toll on me for a mysterious reason and the outcome of it was raging feelings of loneliness and depression, feelings that would knock on my door from time to time.

I raise my head to see that I am about 10 feet away from the elevator, silently thanking god for finding quickly this time as I am horrible with directions and asking for help was the last thing I wanted to do. I pressed a shiny round button and waited as the elevator took the long trip all the way to 78th floor.  My eyes were trained on the green numbers as the continuously keep alternating to reach my floor, I kept hoping that I don't run into anyone I know, I mean there are 95 floor in this hotel and everyone was basically scattered around the hotel, and I wasn't exactly eager to know where my teammates were stationed, as a matter of a fact I tried to distance myself from them. I mean what are my chances of running into someone at this time of the night at this floor to be exact?

A man with a dark complexion, wearing casual clothing with the name tag "Adam" stood beside me and asked me "you're going down?" and I noded with yes.

We both stood there, side by side, silently waiting. You would think that since this is a five star hotel that multiple elevators would be installed, but whoever built this hotel was everything but the usual.

Ding.

The elevator is here.

The doors open and reveal a couple who seemed to have more than a few drinks and are having a bit of trouble standing still.

"we are going up. you want in?" slurred the man. I wasn't willing to wait any longer in these halls so I just walked in hopes to get rid of the couple and get to the reception area. Apparently "Adam" had the same idea because we simultaneously went in and turned our backs to the couple and watch the doors as they close.

The elevator went silent as it made its way upwards, expect for the occasional hiccup and giggle that comes from behind us. The numbers flash 93 and the doors open to reveal an identical hallway to the one we were just standing in. The couple stumble forward and start going down the hallway to what I'm guessing is their room and another group of people joined in.I tried to hold my annoyed sigh as the elevator became a bit too crowded for my liking. The doors close and Adam presses the R button which leads to the reception, while the other man pressed 85 as we were going downwards, the elevator started rumbling and shaking a little bit, I didn't think much of it, as I thought it was a minor malfunction.

The elevator stopped at 85, however it started rumbling again and shook a bit more violently, we started looking around to see if there was any cause for this strange action. The doors opened and revealed the group of people left the elevator in a hurry as it kept shaking. the doors closed but the elevator stood still, Suddenly the elevator jerked downwards a little bit , my heart skipped a beat as I shot a worried look and a frown towards "Adam" to see that he had the same expression on already. It was a second before the elevator jolted fiercely and started falling downwards.

As the elevator was falling freely downwards, we started levitating and with a blink of an eye were suspended in air. I didn't realize I was screaming as my screams were drowned by the sound of steel grinding from the outside the elevator, it wasn't until I was slapped in the face that I realized that I needed to find a quick way to push myself into a corner to avoid being splattered into the ground.

"Hold on to the metal bars and squeeze yourself into a corner!" Adam screamed my thoughts out loud, or that's what I thought I heard and I didn't waste time as I quickly got in position and held on tight to the gold bars on the sides of the elevator. My eyes was on the small screen that beeping loudly was rapidly changing numbers that indicated that we are about to hit the ground in no time. I kept my eyes closed and started saying my final prayers, as the was going to be end.

What has taken both of us by surprise is the fact that we have bypassed the reception and kept going downwards as the numbers started appearing negative. The journey was short lived. Abruptly, the elevator came to a stop and both of us were knocked to the floor and were groaning slightly in pain. As much as we were in pain, the adrenaline was running high and both of us were on edge.  I heard a Ding as the elevator doors opened and showed a black hallway with an open door at the end of it. Before we can even register what happened, a  crackling sound came from the elevator speaker and then an eerie voice that brought a chill to my whole body making the small hairs at the nape of my neck stand.

"welcome, you are finally here."

Copyright © 2016 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.

Why? By Nada Mohamed El Ali

I wonder why. 

Why you took it away from me. It. Also recognized as what me sane.

Rational. 

Well, and so on. 

What you took left pain. Pain that's solved with getting back my so called oxygen. As much as we disagreed, you went your way and took away mine along. 

You left me with nothing.

Nothing.

It was my daily dose of positivity. But you concealed and covered up your feeling towards us and you did it. you pulled off the bandage too soon. 

Too quick.

You took it away.


Why was it the beard that you had to shave?



This had been written by Nada Mohamed El Ali

Footsteps into Nothingness.

Crunch….

Crunch….

Crunch….

The sound of dead leaves being squished under the pressure of my heavily padded feet fills the atmosphere that was pregnant with silence, as I walk down the empty street on an autumn Afternoon. What used to be a very hectic street full of individuals strolling, running, talking, laughing, trying to get to work, getting on with their lives, is completely empty. Only their hazy memory of their existence lingered by.

A draft of chilly autumn air played with the little hairs at the nape of my neck sending goosebumps all over my coated body. The fabric of my coat’s pockets, a useless attempt to try protecting them from the cruel breeze, surrounds my fingers.

Bars start entering my peripheral vision and I look to my left to notice that I am close to the gates of a local park where usually toddlers and infants play with their mothers hovering by, chatting with each other also keeping a watchful eye. Now, it’s an inhabited space full of dunes of yellow and orange leaves and are weightlessly tossed around by the cruelly cold gust of wind.

As I near the gate, the long dark metal bars creek open, as welcoming me in with open arms, after decades of loneliness and a massive sense of hollowness.

The Dead leaved occupied the vacant chairs indicating that no one has paid a visit for quite a while.

I step in, and suddenly…

The Gale was shaking with rage, as it danced its way between the lifeless dried yellow leaves, making them sway with the rhythm of Mother Nature.  They were like mad dancers, dancing for their lives, fearing the dark fury of the monstrous whisk of air. They were like a violent, wild, uncontrolled waves that kept crashing and crashing with no mercy, which would make it look like it’s haunted with enraged, seething spirits.

As if they sensed the presence of a stranger. An intruder.

Swings moving furiously by a command of a certain something. What really made me shiver is the sound of a sinister laugh that was carried by the turbulent draft; I started to slowly backtrack my footsteps to the gate with hope to rid myself of this unexplained fear. I reached the exit and hurriedly escaped the spine-chilling park.

However, not without hearing that sinister laugh again, making my existence a hazy memory, just like the others before me...

Copyright © 2015 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.

Enigmatic State Of Mind

 Everything in life is based on a question and an answer. As simple as that. We ask questions out of curiosity ,to gain knowledge ,to make the wheels in our craniums come back to life. We might not always know the answer, but we hold on to the fact that it exists. However, the pain and agony that we experience, the anguish that we sense, the whole process of self destruction, the detachment of our souls away from our bodies. Just because we lay in the shadows of oblivion. The bittersweet unknown.

I go on with my life, trying to make something out of myself, trying to leave a mark of my existence. To create and generate memories for my loved ones. Yet, we can't experience the beautiful victorious feeling of raising your chin up and facing the upcoming fight with life. Without having the times where we just want sit in a bottomless hole and give it all up. Where we don't see the aim we are trying to achieve anymore, where logic and common sense isn't so common or logical anymore. Where you’re heading towards the light in the end of the tunnel but the light vanishes into thin air.

I only wish I had known the reason of my distress, if I only knew the reason of the stabbing feeling in my heart after a day of laughter and joy. If I only knew the reason why I have to hold the sudden tears that rush to my eyes as soon as I turn my head away.  The perfect image of where I want to belong is right in front of me yet I can't just quite grasp it. So close yet so far.

A shell of my concealing lies and fake emotions have shielded whatever is left from my soft, bruised, tender heart. Is it too much to ask to be a normal functioning human being? Is it too much to ask to be considered important or dare I say vital? is it too much to ask to stop being controlled by my raging emotions that act as a merciless dictator over my stressed, battered being?

Questions whose answers shall forever be veiled.

Copyright © 2015 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.

My Safe Haven.

It has been a while. A really long while. The worries and responsibilities of the city life were eating at me, slowly, painfully, silently. I had to keep going, for what reason? I don't know anymore. I thought at first it was for the sake of other people who depend on my existence as a part of the whole food chain in corporations, that they need me crucially but at the same time, they do not even know my name. Therefore, I asked myself the million-dollar question “is it worth it?”

it was my breaking point. I was fed up, I had to break away from the noise and burdens of life that were gradually turning me into an emotionless, hollow robot that follows a mind-numbing, dull sequence on a daily basis. There was always that other persona inside me that was straining to get out, to be let free, that was slowly dying from my robotic actions that at some point, stopped nagging me to do something that is energetic and active, because that voice started losing hope in me finding the courage to break away from the rules. Not anymore.

I ran away, to a place where no one could find me, where I can lose myself in the silence and inaudibility, and release my tormented soul from its state of hibernation and roam around for the first time in ages.

It was like crossing a bridge, that lead to an alternate universe where bright screens or ear piercing horns doesn’t make an attendance, it was only me, myself and I.

The sound of silence, such a strange feeling that crept on me as soon as I got out of car and took a look at the scene in front of me that could only be crafted by the power above. And because the silence was mocking me, I did the thing I’ve been wanting to do for a really agonizingly long time.

I screamed.

The ground that was coated with green grass shook beneath me as I strained my vocal cords, flowers scattered around the meadow with the colors of the rainbow and more lolled about in happiness and relief for my liberation, the mountains looking high and mighty, it was surreal. I wanted to stay like this forever, laying on the soft grass with smell of flowers invading my nostrils and the clear sky cleansing my spirit from the filth and mold that was devouring what was left of me.

Oh how I wish to stay like this forever, taking a breather for a countless amount of time without my conscience dragging me back to my ugly reality ,my muscles finally started relaxing and I felt my eyes starting to droop till all what I can remember is welcoming darkness.

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is the beautiful sunset greeting my sight, which made me question for how long was I dozed off in dreamland. Nevertheless, I overlooked it, when I looked at my watch I realized it was the first time I checked the time ever since I came to this paradise. With a sorrowful sigh, I knew my time here came to an end. I have to go back to my prison of four walls and a desk with tons of paperwork.

Before I get in my car, I take one last look, taking everything in and smiling to myself knowing that this will not be the last I come here.

Copyright © 2015 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.