Saturday, May 9, 2015

Enigmatic State Of Mind

 Everything in life is based on a question and an answer. As simple as that. We ask questions out of curiosity ,to gain knowledge ,to make the wheels in our craniums come back to life. We might not always know the answer, but we hold on to the fact that it exists. However, the pain and agony that we experience, the anguish that we sense, the whole process of self destruction, the detachment of our souls away from our bodies. Just because we lay in the shadows of oblivion. The bittersweet unknown.

I go on with my life, trying to make something out of myself, trying to leave a mark of my existence. To create and generate memories for my loved ones. Yet, we can't experience the beautiful victorious feeling of raising your chin up and facing the upcoming fight with life. Without having the times where we just want sit in a bottomless hole and give it all up. Where we don't see the aim we are trying to achieve anymore, where logic and common sense isn't so common or logical anymore. Where you’re heading towards the light in the end of the tunnel but the light vanishes into thin air.

I only wish I had known the reason of my distress, if I only knew the reason of the stabbing feeling in my heart after a day of laughter and joy. If I only knew the reason why I have to hold the sudden tears that rush to my eyes as soon as I turn my head away.  The perfect image of where I want to belong is right in front of me yet I can't just quite grasp it. So close yet so far.

A shell of my concealing lies and fake emotions have shielded whatever is left from my soft, bruised, tender heart. Is it too much to ask to be a normal functioning human being? Is it too much to ask to be considered important or dare I say vital? is it too much to ask to stop being controlled by my raging emotions that act as a merciless dictator over my stressed, battered being?
Questions whose answers shall forever be veiled.

Copyright © 2015 Yasmin Mohamed El Ali. All rights reserved.